she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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