Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
