Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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