Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
