He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
