Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
