awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
