girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
