Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
