I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
