So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
