Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
is it fun? or sober?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
