Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
