I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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