Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
