i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
