you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
