There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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