My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
