i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
