So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
