I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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