I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
