dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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