dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
