it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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