just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
