When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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