Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
