my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
