my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You've changed since you got that strap on
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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