y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
