Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Be still, my beating vagina.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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