i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
