Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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