whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
