And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
