My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
