Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
