i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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