thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
