omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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