they need to just BURY HIM!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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