I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
