Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
