I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
