Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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