I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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