Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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