At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
