A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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