shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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