he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
