8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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