I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
